There are a lot of things said about masculinity and how a man can be a man.
Between the bro science and dense feminist advice, most of this generation’s men are either confused or unaware of the reality, that is hardly talked about.
“What does it mean to be a man?”
“How to be a man?”
“They ask me to ‘man up’. What does that mean?”
When someone tells a man to be a man, they are saying what they want them to be, or what the society has made them believe. In simple words, they are teaching you how to not be a man. They have a new definition to follow, which satisfies a woman’s needs.
It is a fact that whenever a woman comforts a powerful man, he becomes weak and soft, less masculine.
These reality-deficient men then fall into the trap of those cultural beliefs. They end up powerless, unsatisfied and fighting for true love and happiness that they deserve.
Powerful men and groups have ruled in the past and will always rule the world. You must strive to become a man of honor and respect, by developing your own power.
Are You a Good Man, a Bad Man, or Good at Being a Man?
In his book The Way of Men, Jack Donovan states that being a good man is not the same thing as being good at being a man.
There’s a difference.
Being a good man has nothing to do with the role that we used to have about a century ago. He follows morals, ethics, religion and behaves within his civilization beliefs. A bad man does the opposite.
Being good at being a man is irrelevant to being good or bad. It is more about fighting to survive and contributing.
Let’s say, if a bad man is good at being a man, he will be respected and honored within his group. When he demonstrates what it takes to be a man (Strength, Courage, Mastery, and Honor) to the other men, he is admired for his achievements.
A solid example of a man of power — during his military training and service, they make him a man, good and bad is out of consideration.
The Three P’s of Manhood: Protect, Procreate and Provide
A man must find a balance between the three P’s of manhood: Protect, Procreate and Provide. When greater stress is put on one/some of them, they twist and contort.
- Protect is the ability to establish and defend the boundaries.
- Procreate means to approach, impregnate a woman and build a family.
- Provide means adding value to the society using your skills and intelligence.
“Each of the pillars is important and relates to the other. It may be tempting to focus on the pillar of manhood that appeals to you the most or is simply the easiest to achieve, but you do so at your own peril.” – Brett McKay, Art of Manliness
You must prioritize the Protect pillar because it represents the core of masculinity. Men are stronger, dominant, expendable and more of risk-takers than women. Women, on the other side, are procreators and providers. In short, the Protect role is required to live like a man in the modern world.
In this post, we are focusing on being good at being a man, not a good or bad man. Because of two reasons:
- Being good at being a man has high value and power;
- Many of this generation’s men are unaware of masculinity and roles of a man.
The power you will achieve is then idolized, followed, and emulated by other men. Money, popularity, a woman of high standards, luxury, respect, etc., are the rewards.Learn to be a man first, then you can choose to be good or bad.
Learn to be a man first, then you can choose to be good or bad.
The Modern Revolution of Masculinity
Men struggle to survive. They work in groups, work harder, discover, fight and conquer to live. Then they build a legacy for the next generation.
This was the reality of men, about one or two centuries ago. Men used to engage in riskier activities, had higher mortality and were violent. But this way of living is of mere reality today.
Due to the advancement of technology, rules, and limitations, we are now civilized. The so-called manly struggle that defined masculinity became invalid. Now, we don’t have to fight to eat and live. We can order full meals for our families on our smartphones while sipping a cup of coffee.
Today, the traits of masculinity are there, but not well nurtured.
The male human body is programmed to take higher risks, to go wild and violent. No doubt why men like games and movies that have action element. The Walking Dead, Avengers, Tekken and Grand Theft Auto are some examples that a majority of the men’s population finds interesting.
But, none of that matters when you are living in a civilized society and can’t imitate in real life. Obviously, we don’t want men to burn each other’s houses, just because it is more masculine and fun.
So, does that mean there is no need to be self-reliant, daring, aggressive or violent? Is effeminacy at its peak level? Is it better to be weak and open? No need to be a man anymore?
Feminism versus Masculinity
Feminism believes that women have the ability to do all the things that men can. So, women should be given equal opportunity or equality in the society.
Many feminists consider men as evil (for not giving women the freedom) and women need to give up their femininity and take on masculine traits. So, they can be dominant like men and finally bring up equality.
This led us to the world where a woman can punch a man in the face, and if he hits back, he’s the bad guy and thrown in the jail. Equality?
If you want to know what pre-feminism looked like, ask a man of age more than 50-60 years. During his time, it was acceptable to slap a woman or child who acted out of the line. Now, they call it sexual harassment or violence.
In short, the negative effects are visible to the masculinity of men today. Feminism is not based on strong logic and its followers (both women and men) ignores the harsh realities, even by showing research and studies.
Feminism is not healthy to masculinity and to the future generation. The idea of gender equality is folly.
Reimagining Masculinity: The Man of Power
The definition of masculinity has changed over time. There was more of physical struggle, now it’s more of mental.
A man of power has a high-value today, the way our ancestors were honored. He is not just strong, he is better in all sorts of things.
A man’s power can be calculated by his ability to bring a change within the people’s minds. Higher ability means more power.
The range of ability to bring change is so wide that he alone can change people’s lives, can kill thousands of people, can call a war off, can win a battle against the force of 150,000 men alone, and even make something trending on social media within a few seconds of work.
Any man can change the world. The problem is that you don’t realize you can do that.
What Makes a Man, a Man of Power?
A man can become powerful only in the eyes of people. Men are judged on their actions. When you do something worthy, you are considered more powerful.
Jack Donovan explained the concept of masculinity and divided it into the four tactical virtues – Strength, Courage, Mastery, and Honor. He connected these virtues with the way our ancestors used to act.
Over time, their role in a modern man’s life has changed. So, I have shaped these virtues to match a modern man’s life and also stress equal pressure on the three pillars – Protect, Procreate and Provide.
More strength means more physical power.
In today’s world, having more strength is not really prioritized and people don’t care much either. So, there aren’t many men with strength left. Just a bunch of lazy dudes with big bellies.
Strength may be of no practical use at all in this world, to be honest. Still, it defines masculinity and does improve overall body health and appearance. Heck, it makes one’s life more adventurous, active, fun and other values better.
Women are drawn to men of power. When he enters, the spotlight is always on him. A woman assures that the guy she dates is strong and is capable of protecting her. Thus, men must become powerful to be loved.
“Women are loyal to power at all costs, have it, and you have them, lack it, and they will betray you.” – Illimitable Man
But remember, if a war/fight happened, then you will be more valued than a rich man who can’t even run properly.
Body Structure Makes A Man Strong
To build a strong physique, you can engage yourself in a regular training schedule. Eat food that builds muscle, body structure and neglect unhealthy food.
No doubt, working out, getting fit and taking care of yourself changes people’s life.
“In my lifetime, I’ve been given two gifts that have changed my life. In 2008, for Christmas, my wife gave me a video camera; and for my birthday, when I was twelve years old, my mom gave me a membership to a gym.” – Aaron Marino
Be an Active Athletic Man
An athletic activity is a key to an active human body. Building muscle gives a man’s body shape. Engaging in an athletic activity, as simple as running daily will keep the body fit, active and energetic.
Playing a team sport like football, basketball, etc., improves health and fitness. A team sport may not necessarily be a sport that includes points and competition. Mountaineering is a good example of teamwork.
“The more you sweat in training, the less you bleed in battle.” – Richard Marcinko
A man can become stronger when he indulges himself with boxing, yoga, wrestling or some other form of Martial Arts. However, a man can master his body strength through Martial Arts, as it consists all sorts of training aspects.
“Courage is a mean with regard to fear and confidence.” – Aristotle (Nicomachean Ethics)
Courageous Men Fears & Take Risks
A courageous man fears, but he still feels confident in a rational way. He does not fear the most fearful things, like death, for a worthy and noble cause. This shows loyalty and value.
These days, the word ‘courage’ is misinterpreted and used when someone is fighting for himself, or if it’s not even that courageous.
It is used when a celebrity fights a disease or even when he spends his time in the gym to lose weight. There is no problem with acknowledging their efforts, but this is not courage, or at least what Aristotle meant.
Courage is measured by the level of death risk involved. More danger, more courage. Courage is not:
- Boldness (or over confidence).
- Facing danger because someone broke the law.
- Being calm in the face of danger.
- Being passionate about doing dangerous things.
In simple words, a man fears and takes dangerous risks, but still rationally feels confident for a worthy result.
He is Mentally Strong
Strength does not only mean physically, mental strength plays a big role. Weak mental strength could be a reason of massive destruction.
Fear, stress, failure, rejection, and comfort are just some words in your dictionary. Do not let these things come in the way of accomplishing goals.
A man does not cry in public. He may cry in front of his beloved ones, but not the ones he does not trust. Crying is a sign of weakness and weakness invites problems.
High Self Confidence Outshines His Presence
A man does whatever it takes to build his self-confidence, to feel more great about himself. It is the key to great performance, more power and gaining other’s confidence.
It is also the most attractive quality a man can have. How can anyone see how great you are if you can’t see it yourself?
“Only when you love, respect, and approve of yourself unconditionally can you become a confident man.” – Nick Notas
A Man Will Find All Possible Ways to Avoid a Fight
Courage and improving strength does not mean involving yourself in unnecessary violence. Those who do that, lose their mind, and makes them less of a man.
“He who strikes the first blow admits he’s lost the argument.” – Chinese proverb
Most of the times, there is always a verbal way to win an argument. A wise man will resolve verbally, a dumb man will resort to violence.
Also, if you are already a man with high strength and strong body structure, someone would definitely think several times before getting into a fight.
Comfort is a Man’s Biggest Enemy
In the modern civilization, safety and comfortability are more valued over hard work, failure and risk. Now, kid’s are not punished or slapped by teachers and parents, to correct them. This results in poorly disciplined kids.
When men feel safe, women advise men to avoid taking risks, abandon masculinity and eventually, they stop doing what actually makes them a man. They insist men to enjoy safety and help them at home, raise children and do everything that men are not supposed to do.
Never get comfortable. Your power will soon be diminished as soon as you feel satisfied and safe, either at work or home.
“Women are more comfortable with accepting the benevolent aid of the group because they have always required it. A child is a child, but an incompetent man is a beggar.” – Jack Donovan
It doesn’t matter if you’re a good man or bad, people want to know if you’re of any use or not. A man with special skill or talent is more valuable.
Men can’t be dependent on others. Dependent men are powerless. Whereas, a man of power knows how to keep people dependent on him. He masters his skills, contributes and serve his purpose of life.
In contrary, complete independence is impossible. Today, men only live upon interdependence, where everyone uses their set of skills to contribute and live better.
Master the Skills Required to Become Smart
Develop a well-rounded personality. Master at least one skill from each of these skill sets (the trinity).
You can develop your strength by going to the gym, doing yoga or through martial arts, but going to the gym is a hobby, not a skill.
A physical skill is something that could be of some benefit. Like rock/mountain climbing, driving, building a campfire, fixing a leaky faucet, grilling, gardening, ironing clothes or as small as shining your shoes.
Still, martial arts and bodybuilding can also be helpful by beating up the bad guys on the streets.
Smarter men are well-respected in today’s world. This includes mastering the technical/intellectual skills that require mental abilities.
Mechanics, academic research, foreign languages, medical study, law, programming, etc., are helpful for a man to bring up a change.
“Repetition is the mother of skill.” – Tony Robbins
Every man must master at least one creative skill in his lifetime. A man with a special skill are always valued much higher than the ones without any. When mastered, men can make a living out of it and get honored.
It could be any skill a man is passionate about. Writing, music, comedy, and film making are some examples. A skill is something that can never be perfect. It gets better every day with regular practice.
Be in a Group or Team
You are more of a man in your group of men. Your masculinity is judged by how other men of the group (a sports team, a business team, or any other group that serves a purpose) respect you.
It is important for a man to be in a group of men to learn cooperation and develop his masculinity.
Men are born to fight and cooperate in a group. They all cooperate to make their group better than others.
If a man is not tough enough, then some guys will have his back. When a player gets injured, some other team member is ready to take his place.
A group is maintained by give and take phenomenon. You have to contribute equal or more than what others contribute, in one way or another. Just like a sports team, without every individual’s cooperation, they may lose the game.
A man receives much respect when he contributes more, which is obtained from the first three virtues (Strength, Courage and Mastery). He qualifies himself to level up (get promoted) in the group, when he does something that makes his group better than others.
There is No Possible Reason to Prove Himself
People always try to dare and prove themselves to others because it is very tempting. But, the reality is different. To dare to prove yourself means an open invitation to be called a fool in front of a crowd.
Refuse to any such thing as it is an act of foolishness. Your actions can speak for themselves. Refusing a dare signifies intelligence.
“If I say I’m good, you’d probably say I’m boasting. But if I tell you I’m not good, you know I’m lying.” – Bruce Lee
You may sometimes bet in your group like a friendly pool match, or similar. Also, instead of daring, do something that makes you no longer have to introduce yourself.
Honor is the combined result of working on first three tactical virtual – Strength, Courage and Mastery. You become honorable when you have brought up the change, when you have achieved something worthy.
Honor is the sum of hard work, respect and the reputation you have built throughout your life. To be a man of power, one must strive to become honorable.
Maintain your reputation throughout your life. Plenty of haters are there to tear you down if you failed to do so.
A Man Works On His Vision Until The End
A man of power is known for the change he has brought. Sooner or later, you must figure out their purpose of life and struggle to work until your heart rests.
Meet more experienced and qualified people, form teams that works on something that serves your purpose. Always thinks of a way to grow and maximize the effect.
“Focus on human beings and become someone useful to other people. Surround yourself with great people and amazing things will happen.” – Antonio Centeno
His Respect & Values Defines Him
Do whatever it takes to gain respect and give at the same time. Respect women, elders, and seniors around. Being disrespectful means not caring what others think of you.
Treat women like humans, neither goddesses nor slaves. Men helps women. They are loyal to a man’s power. A man of more power receives much love and respect.
A wise man never outshines his masters and seniors. Master’s insecurity is the biggest mistake of his career. You must listen to the advice you receive from your masters and seniors. Because a master has failed far more times than the beginner has even tried.
“Avoid outshining your superiors. All victories breed hate, and that over your superior is foolish or fatal.” – Baltasar Gracián
He Says What He Believes Is Right & Stands Up For Himself
A man of power learns from his experience and has his ideals and beliefs. It is important to defend those opinions and beliefs. When all others have a different opinion, he is outnumbered and made fun.
Some people are racist/sexist/antisemitic/anti-gay. It is easier to go with the flow than to defend. Men of honor and power have the ability to use their voice and act against such hate.
He is Much More Than a Spectator
Men are now more satisfied with watching things instead of actually doing. In the end, they feel jealous and sad that their lives are just not good enough.
They watch UFC instead of joining an MMA club, they watch sports on TV instead of playing with a group, they masturbate to porn instead of having sex with a real woman and they double tap pictures of their friends travelling, going on adventures on Instagram instead of going out themselves.
Life is much more powerful when you do these things by yourself and let others be a spectator.
Be Successful at Family
The family is as important to a man as his vision. Do not commit easily to any woman. Commits to the one whom you find emotionally stable, less dominant, softer, attractive enough and someone with the least sexual partners.
The more a man commits to long term relationships, less of a man he becomes. Understand that a relationship’s success is your responsibility, not hers. Whenever there’s a problem, it is your responsibility to fix it.
Be a passionate lover. Touches her in public, seduce for sex and own her love.
Your achievements define you and your lady defines your status. She is defined by their relationship.
You must assure that your kids are raised in the presence of both the parents. Divorce destroys children. Father’s masculine behavior and mother’s feminine behavior are both necessary to fulfil a child’s development.
“A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.” – Mario Puzo
A Friend is Always a Friend with Benefits
From his childhood, a man makes many friends. As he becomes older, his friend circle gets smaller in size and better at the same time. Also, a woman will never replace the need of a man.
He finds friends that he is comfortable with. Things that he can talk about with no one else but his friends. There are school/college time friends, work friends, gym friends, neighborhood friends and so on. But, a few of them actually make it to his speed dial list.
These friends must be the ones that you can trust and rely upon. Even if you call him at 4 AM in the morning, he will be there to help. He will be there in your worst life situations.
He is not toxic and understands your feelings. And at the same time, you must be ready to sacrifice for him too.
“What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully? If you’d come to me in friendship, this scum who ruined your daughter would be suffering this very day. And if by some chance an honest man like yourself made enemies, they would become my enemies. And then, they would fear you.” – Don Corleone, The Godfather
Semper Virilis: A Roadmap to Manhood in the 21st Century, by Brett McKay, Art of Manliness
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