21 Actionable Tips to Build Self Confidence & Self Esteem

Akshay Dhiman Uncategorized 4 Comments

build self confidence

There is always someone who makes everyone laugh, always seems self confident and attracts women like a magnet.

While you feel low and jealous of his success.

It’s not your fault – nobody’s born self confident.

They say you can’t achieve your dreams and get ahead in life – Look:

“If you have confidence, you have everything.”

You can also be the life of all the parties you attend and become successful in life.

Because confidence is power. A power to inspire others and gaining others’ confidence.

Whether it’s about mastering your skills or building competence, the benefits are well-worth the effort.

Just “thinking positive” is not enough (which most of the “gurus” advice online), you need some practical advice. That said, today I’m going to show you how to build self confidence and self esteem.

Keep reading.

What is Self Confidence & Why is it Important?

Having self confidence means you are very good at something and you are not shy or afraid to do it.

In almost every situation in life, your self confidence comes into play. You need confidence to ask someone out on a date, crack an interview or be a pizza delivery boy (come on, knocking so many people’s doors requires confidence).

In fact, high self esteem wins against everything – physical attractiveness, high intelligence, money, etc. At the same time they all contribute to boost confidence.

It builds your importance as your looks directly correlates your self worth (more on that later). Also, low self esteem can make you feel less valuable than you really are.

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1. Surround Yourself with Confident and Successful People

As Jim Rohn says:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Another one:

“If you hang out with 4 broke guys, you’re going to be the fifth.”

You surround:

  • Thieves, you will become a thief.
  • Smokers, you will become a smoker.

That’s just how life works.

Being kids, we were asked not to play with some (bad) kids, so we don’t get their bad habits. We’re still in the same island, but the difference is now, we have to decide ourselves.

business peopleAction steps:

  1. Find good and motivational people.
  2. Stay around them.
  3. Find non-motivational (and toxic) people.
  4. Stay away from them.

Changing your environment with the ones who lift you up and motivates you to even work harder and succeed in life, makes a huge difference.

2. Eliminate Toxic People From Your Life

Very important!


  • Are energy vampires
  • Suck all of your good energy and confidence
  • Have a problem for every good situation
  • See the glass half-empty

If you surround yourself with toxic, un-confident people, they will never let you succeed.

The worst part?

That person could be anybody:

Your friend. Your girlfriend. Your parent. Your wife (or husband). Anybody.

Yes, you too!

But you can’t let these people suck your confidence and crush it.

dealing with toxic peopleAction Steps:

Identify & Give Less Priority to those Vampires

Ask yourself, is there somebody that…

  1. Manipulates you, like you owe them something?
  2. Lies to you for no good reason?
  3. Never apologize?
  4. Criticizes you all the time?
  5. Talk about irrelevant things?
  6. Constantly discredits your dreams?
  7. Has nothing good to say about anybody?
  8. Is envious of your success?
  9. Is judgmental?
  10. Blames others for no particular reason?

If the answer is “yes”, then he or she is the one to stay away from.

3. Let’s Talk About Sex & Masturbation, Baby!

There is no doubt that getting under the sheets can bring up the heat among a couple. Also, the love making can reduce stress, boost self-esteem and happiness.

According to a research, daily intercourse increases the cell growth in the hippocampus, which is responsible for regulating stress.

Not to mention, even if you don’t have regular sex, masturbation is an alternative way to quickly feel fresh and relieve stress.

In fact, masturbation keeps you in good health by releasing mood enhancing substances Serotonin and Dopamine.

Other than giving pleasure, masturbation…

couple on bedAction Steps:

Have Regular Sex

There is no better way to say that.

Many marriages fall apart because of sexual tension and not fulfilling each other’s sexual needs.

Maintaining freshness is important to improve self esteem in relationships. Having regular and pleasurable sexual experiences among the two, happens to be an important factor.

Watch Porn – Yes or No?

In simple words, it depends.

If you watch it sometimes, just for pleasure, knowing that it does not relate to reality, then it is fine.

However, it can become harmful because it is addictive and watching too much can lead to serious problems. Erectile dysfunction and sexual tension are some of them.

A good movie is the one which is non-violent, love making and close to reality.

A Word About Casual Sex

In my opinion, it is better to avoid. Seriously, if you don’t believe me, one day you will learn why.

And if you think that you have to prove something to someone, then you are probably taking the wrong side of the road. Also, keep yourself safe from those nasty diseases.

Oh, and by the way… I always make sure to not make 2 important mistakes. I see many of my male friends do them and they always screw the pooch. Want to know what I’m talking about? Click here to find out


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4. Self Confident People Are Kind & Generous

“Do good, feel good.” – simple logic.

When you do something kind for someone, without expecting anything in return, even if it’s just a little thing, you automatically feel confident and positive.

The best part?

Being kind and generous is seen crazy sexy and most wanted qualities by women (in a man).

kind man shaking hands with girlAction Steps:

  • Care for others genuinely, not for the sake of getting something in return
  • Make it a habit, do something kind every day
  • Be kind to everyone, not only who are in need
  • Being present is enough sometimes in hard situations
  • Be a good listener
  • Do the next tip…

5. Bring Positivity By Surprising People More Often

It is a great way to improve and build confidence in relationships. Remember, you are doing this without expecting anything in return.

No rules, no expectations.

It doesn’t always have to be something really big or expensive. You’re not doing this “random act of kindness” to prove something.

Even picking up a morning newspaper from the doorstep and handing it over, can enlighten someone’s mood.

husband giving surpriseThese little acts doesn’t cost you much.

The best part?

Doing so boosts self esteem, leaving a unique feeling of goodness.

6. Self Confident People Are Intellectual & Knowledgeable

If you want to build self confidence, improve your knowledge and be aware of the stuff going on around.

You don’t have to be a classroom topper or something. But, be smart enough to maintain your standards with the people around you. Because a knowledgeable person is always respected and looked up to.

The best part?

When you learn something from a book, a documentary, or even a movie, you automatically feel fresh. You feel a sense of satisfaction and confident about the knowledge that you just gathered.

man studying in libraryAction Steps:

  • Read something every day and gather intelligence.
  • Read/watch more biographies and documentaries (like Before The Flood).
  • Watch meaningful movies (like Whiplash, A Beautiful Mind, The Revenant)
  • Play games
  • Subscribe to great blogs 🙂

Also, my favorite one…

Interact with more successful and experienced people than you. Learn from their decisions and mistakes. Because real life stories are priceless sources of education.

Remember that learning has no age and I believe that you learn something new every day.

7. Listen To Music & Feel More Powerful

It’s a boring day. Nothing interesting is happening. You’re just sitting and everything is quiet like a dead lake. Then you take a turn.

You put on your headphones, blast some music and that bass starts kicking in. Now, your head is dancing, matching the beat and you feel like it is the best damn thing happened during the whole day.

Listening to music makes people feel powerful, says a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.

Music can bring you many levels of emotions and can make you feel:

  • Happy
  • Relaxed
  • Energized
  • Sad
  • Cry
  • Even bring back old memories

It is a great tool to set the scene and influence the atmosphere.

Some specific kinds of music can make you feel more confident and energized instantly.

But, what kind of music?

The research found that music with more bass is the key factor in boosting confidence.

You know what else is cool?

It has also been found that music enhances:

  • Learning
  • Focus
  • Concentration
  • Memory

Music helps us to establish a positive learning state and makes it more fun and interesting.

8. Accept More Invitations & Attend More Gatherings to Interact With More People

To overcome shyness, meet and interact with new people more often. Gatherings, parties and meetings are great for that.

Most importantly – practice. The more you interact with different kinds of personalities, the more confident you become.

gentlemen having drinks in a partyVisiting gatherings doesn’t mean, just standing there or sitting like a wallflower.

No ways!

Move your butt and introduce yourself. Listen to their stories and share yours.

The best part?

You never know, who can turn out to be someone really helpful and change your life.

If you don’t get many invitations, then still there are always some places to go out like conferences, clubs, annual festivals, trade fairs or even amusement parks are great.

And obviously, I don’t forget to follow those 2 important tips, so that I am fully confident in the parties I attend. I can tell you those tips: Click here to find out now


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9. Make Eye Contact to Build a Confident Social Connection

How many times do you find someone looking here-and-there and not making a good eye contact?

Men of every age struggle to make and hold a good eye contact.

Most men will agree, the struggle gets even harder with the attractiveness of a woman.

See, making eye contact is a skill. Nobody is a born player in making a high-level eye contact. It determines the importance of the person you’re talking to.

It can make you more attractive, confident, respectful, trustworthy and competent.

couple making eye contactAction Step:

I talked about tips on making eye contact to draw attention – when speaking to an individual, in a group or to attract someone, in this post (#7).

10. Have Your Clothes Fitted To Your Body 

“To feel confident, you have to look confident first.”

You are definitely missing out a ton of natural confidence and awesomeness.

A study published in Journal of Experimental Psychology says that wearing good (well-fitted upper-class) clothes with high social status can increase dominance.

I don’t know about you, but when I wear well-fitted clothes, I feel amazing! I’m so much confident, automatically.

Moreover, when that well-fitted-outfit is a well-fitted suit…

I believe I can fly…!

Okay, okay… I might not do that. But, you get it.

man in suit with tailorAction Step:

Get your old clothes well-fitted by a tailor, so they don’t look baggy.

Also, avoid getting those baggy clothes from the next time (obviously, duh!).


Finalize your outfit waaay before the last day (at least a week earlier).

So that you don’t waste your time deciding- Should I wear black shoes or brown shoes???

Take a second opinion, if you have to.

11. Instantly Build Confidence Using “The Icing Technique”

icing techniqueDid you know, there’s a little technique that can make you more attractive, sexy and confident instantly?

I mean, super-instantly!

Let me introduce you to…

The Icing Technique.

Let’s break it down step-by-step…

Step 1:

Wear a well-fitted outfit that you like.

Step 2:

Find an accessory that relates to your outfit. Something like:

  • Glasses/Sunglasses
  • Hats/Caps
  • Wrist Watch
  • Cuff Links
  • Pocket Square
  • Earrings
  • Or anything that adds detail to your outfit

Step 3:

Wear that accessory. That’s it!

You look much attractive and more confident, pretty much, instantly. Like the icing on the cake!

(Yeah, that’s where I got the name :D)

You will feel great because you know that you look dynamite (or even the best dressed man in the room) and sure, it will make you less feared of approaching someone.

Bonus Tip:

Wear colors that you don’t usually wear. Colors like pink or purple, maybe.

Seriously, if you wear a pink tie with your well-fitted suit, it is going to shout for you – “Yes, I am pink and I look bad-ass!”

12. Wearing a Cologne or Perfume Brings Instant Confidence

Somebody who smells good, reflects confidence and courage. Also, when I wear a cologne or even a deodorant, I feel a lot more confident.

True story:

I once forgot to wear my regular deodorant because I was in a hurry. Guess what? I felt less confident, whole day.

British study says that men who use cologne exhibit an increase in both self-confidence and self-perceived attractiveness.

Smells interesting!

man applying cologneAction Steps:

Step 1: Find a signature cologne/deodorant/perfume.

It’s all about trial and testing. Try different ones and see which works best for you. Even ask your friends, if you have to.

Step 2: Wear it.

It’s time to rock it. Don’t wear too much. Just a little is enough. Every day.

13. Maintain a Confident Body Posture

Like I said earlier:

“To feel confident, you have to look confident first.”

This doesn’t mean, by only wearing well-fitted clothes. If you want to build self confidence, you have to hold and present your body in a way that you look confident.

Here’s the deal:

We are capable enough to determine, by taking a look at the body posture, if a person is confident or not.

A few (basic) points to always remember:

  • Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
  • Avoid crossing your arms while in conversation.
  • Keep your head up and eyes forward.
  • Don’t take baby steps (and avoid creeping).
  • Firm handshake (not like a dead fish).
  • Avoid pockets.

According to a research at Princeton University:

An open or expansive posture makes a man physically attractive.

Something like this:

man sitting in open postureThis guy is sitting in an open posture – straight, open legs and arms spread.

Pro Tip:

Use your hands. People who use hands while in a conversation are seen 2x more confident about what they are talking about, according to a study done on TED talkers.

14. Have a Good Sleep to Feel Confident All Day

There is a direct relation to having a good sleep and feeling confident.

Want a proof?

A study at the University of Basel found that good and sufficient sleep is associated with optimism and self-esteem.

You had a bad sleep, you don’t feel good, thus, confidence level remains down to the ground.

Make sure to follow these 10 steps to get a good night’s sleep.

15. Exercise Daily to Be Confident

The person who exercises knows the effect it makes on self-esteem, mood and confidence.

Interestingly, it has been found in a British study, when you exercise in an attractive and a pleasant outdoor environment, you feel more positive.

However, helps you in building your self confidence.

Okay, for those who don’t exercise:

If you think you need a workout equipment and crazy stuff like that to do exercise… You’re nothing less than a lazy-ass bastard! (Excuse my french)

Will you ever stop making excuses?

man runningAction Step:

Do Cardio

For 30 minutes every day (preferably: morning, empty stomach). It can be anything that increases your heart-rate: Running, cycling, skipping-ropes, jumping jacks, etc.

Gain Muscle & Lose Fat

What’s better than having an attractive and fit physique? Having a nice body automatically eliminates fear of not looking good.

Again, it will take time, but it is well-worth the effort.

16. Stop Worrying About The Things That You Cannot Do Anything

I know, there are some things like…

  • Skin color
  • Disability/Impairment
  • Short/Tall height
  • Lost parent or a close person
  • Or something that you cannot do anything about.

It can be frustrating sometimes and thinking about it can really eat up your self confidence.

Action Steps:

Accept the fact

Learn to thrive on the fact and embrace it. Thinking about it just makes life worse.

Talk and share

Talking with a friend will help you realize that there is no point worrying about it. Remember: avoid toxic people.


Engage yourself in something productive, something kind, and something that eases you and people around you.

Use hacks or tricks

Still, there are some tricks you can do in order to make your situation better. For example, if you are short, you can follow some hacks to look taller.

Also make sure to follow these 2 important tips. Because I want you to be the best person around. Click here to quickly find out


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17. Never Fear Rejection or Failure

Fear of rejection, is any fear, which is basically, the “end of the world” feeling:

“What if she rejects me?”

“What if I say something weird and spoil the interview?”

“What if this business idea won’t work?”

Fear is essential to keep us alert and safe.

Worst part?

It makes us feel we are not good enough. This begins us to destroy our beliefs, relationships and spreads obsessive, jealous feeling.

Ultimately, we are more anxious and angry. It is important to overcome this feeling of fear of rejection.

man worrying in officeAction Steps:

Prepare yourself to experience more rejection

In today’s world, it’s important to understand that rejection and failure is a part of big success. In fact, making more mistakes and getting rejected makes us do more hard work than ever, to get the things right.

Stop pleasing everyone

You must learn to say ‘no’ to those whose demands are basically unnecessary and unreasonable to you.

Work on yourself

Get better at what you’re feared of. If you feel you will get rejected, then there is a need to make yourself a lot better at what you want to achieve.

Learn to accept compliments

Graciously accept compliments. Feel proud and happy that you’ve done something that deserves a compliment.

Say “Thank you” to those compliments, with pride and energy, like you really mean it.

18. Make Big Goals & Don’t Disclose Them Too Early

Do you make big goals?

After reading this, you’ll never discuss them with anybody.

According to study at New York University, it has been found that disclosing your goals too early can decrease your chances of achieving them.


Because it makes your confidence low, your intention to act and wish to achieve that goal even less.

Here’s the deal:

It’s okay to discuss your goals with close friends, but to be confident at work – don’t expose every detail to just anybody. Also, when you tell somebody that you’re working on something, their expectations take another place.

Next time when you both meet, they are probably going to ask what’s going on with what you’re working on. Most of the times, you don’t want to talk about it. Because you haven’t achieved it yet.


Prove it first. Everybody will know automatically.

19. Stop Caring About Unimportant Situations/Things

There are some situations or things that we care about all the time. And, there are some situations or things that we don’t care about.

In Mark Manson’s words: “The fucks we don’t give in our life, actually makes all the difference.”

The problem is that we care too much about unnecessary situations or things in our lives.

We care about…

  • Pressing the wrong button on the remote.
  • Slow internet.
  • The goddamn ringing phone when we are almost asleep.
  • A slow mobile phone.

The worst part?

These things are slowly eating up our self confidence, making us more annoyed and irritated.

ignore negativityAction steps:

Reserve your fucks for more fuckworthy situations

Situations that I just talked about don’t deserve it. This would surely make our life a hell of a lot easier.

Be Proactive

Focus on what really, really matters. Values. Results. Life-threatening things. And so on.

Overcome adversity

Realize what’s important and unimportant in life.

Failure. Self-embarrassment. Difficulties. Unpleasantries.

If you care about what really matters, then you don’t care about these things and just do it anyway.


Because, you know, it’s right.

So, say “fuck it” to everything unimportant in life.

20. Punch the Confidence Killer of Jealousy

Jealousy is not a bad thing. It’s natural.

But, it becomes a problem when we act out in jealousy. When it starts to consume every aspect of your life.

We experience it many times. We are jealous of someone else’s success, strength, or lifestyle. While looking at your friends’ vacation photography, or relationship goal updates on Facebook.

In fact:

We only see the good or amazing parts of their life, not the bad part. And we believe – their life is more interesting than ours, which is actually not true.

man jealous of coupleAction Steps:

Open up

Sharing about what you feel with your friend can actually help you build a stronger relationship and sometimes, relieve your mind.

Let it go

Jealousy is a perfect example of something that you should not care about. It is that unimportant situation which doesn’t deserve your quality attention.

Learn from it

There must be something that made you jealous of that person, in the first place. Find that thing, learn, and be even better than that.

21. Be With The Most Positive Person You Know

Let’s say you’re going to do something big, that requires you to have a lot of confidence. Something like…

  • An interview
  • Approaching a woman
  • Give a stage performance

Usually during those last few minutes or hours, men get nervous and some even gets terrified and think “What if I screw up and everybody laugh at me?”

At that moment, you need someone positive around you. Not a negative or toxic person, who will completely ruin your self confidence.

If you are like me, I want my best friend to be there, to keep me motivated throughout the day.

Here’s the deal:

Having a positive or a close friend is always better than not having someone.

That person can be anyone. Your best friend, partner, wife, husband or a family member.

couple huggingAction Steps:

You Need At Least One Really Good Friend

See, there is something amazing about having your best friend around you. As they are your best friend, I suppose, they must be one of the most positive person you know.

With them, everything seems easy and fun. Because you are so much confident around them.

Hug Someone

Want to build self confidence? Maybe a hug is all you need.

See, when you hug someone, all those “feel-good” hormones start releasing in your body, making you feel so good, that it takes your confidence to another level.

And all that happens within a minute, all natural.

Sometimes, even a small hug of a second can leave someone feeling all different. Think what would happen, when you hug for a little longer, like you really mean it.

Now, here’s what to do next:

  1. Quickly download the important bonus PDF that I prepared for you.
  2. Tell me, how many times in a week do you go out to attend gatherings (not work).


21 Actionable Tips to Build Self Confidence & Self Esteem was last modified: March 3rd, 2017 by Akshay Dhiman

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