A confident man is comfortable, calm and collected. He makes everyone feel good, brings life to the party, inspires others and attracts women like a magnet.
Positivity shines through his personality, even when things aren’t going well. No matter what obstacles come his way, he is ready to fight and get past them.
“Think positive” is sometimes not enough (which most online “gurus,” say).
You need actionable steps to build self-confidence, which is what I’m going to show you.
What is Self-Confidence & Why is it Important?
Having self-confidence means you are good at something and you are not shy or afraid to do it.
“Confidence is the ability to trust yourself to get something done.”
Confidence is the source of power, to inspire others and gaining others’ confidence. Whether it’s about mastering your skills or building competence, the benefits are well-worth the effort.
In almost every situation in life, self-confidence comes into play. Higher self-confidence can get you a date with a pretty woman, crack an interview, or give an outstanding speech in front of thousands of people.
In fact, high self-esteem wins over everything – physical attractiveness, intelligence, money, etc. Yet, they all contribute in boosting self-confidence.
High self-confidence makes a man more powerful, and respectable. Whereas, low self-esteem can make you less valuable than you actually are.
Download 2 bonus tips not found in this post, in a handy-dandy PDF.
1. Surround Yourself with Confident and Successful People
“If you hang out with four broke guys, you’re going to be the fifth.”
With whom you spend your time makes a huge difference in your lifestyle and mindset. That’s why our parents didn’t want us to play with those bad and ugly kids.
Change your environment with the ones who lift you up and motivates you to even work harder and succeed in life, people who are more successful and knows better than you.
2. Eliminate Toxic People
At the same time, you need to get rid of those non-motivational/toxic people, who are just there to resist you from succeeding.
They suck because they:
- Are energy vampires
- Suck your good energy and confidence
- Have a problem with every good situation
- Sees the glass-half-empty
The worst part? That person could be anybody – your friend, girlfriend, parent, wife, husband, and you too.
Ask yourself. Is there somebody that…
- Manipulates you, like you owe them something?
- Lies to you for no good reason?
- Never apologize?
- Criticizes you all the time?
- Talk about irrelevant things?
- Constantly discredits your dreams?
- Has nothing good to say about anybody?
- Is envious of your success?
- Is judgmental?
- Blames others for no particular reason?
If the answer is “yes”, then he or she is the one to stay away from.
3. Let’s Talk About Sex & Masturbation
There’s no doubt that getting under the sheets can bring up the heat among a couple.
According to a research, daily intercourse increases the cell growth in the hippocampus, which is responsible for regulating stress.
In fact, the act of lovemaking can reduce stress, boost self-esteem and happiness.
Not to mention, even if you don’t have regular sex, masturbation is always an alternative.
And please, don’t tell me – hair will grow on your hands and stuff like that. Those are just myths.
Masturbation keeps you in good health by releasing mood-enhancing substances Serotonin and Dopamine.
Other than giving pleasure, masturbation:
Anyways, getting sexual every now and then always pleasures our mind, making you feel more confident.
4. Be Kind & Generous
“Do good, feel good.” – simple logic.
When you do something kind for someone, without expecting anything in return, even if it’s just a little thing, you automatically feel confident and positive.
And positivity feels good.
The best part? Being kind and generous is seen crazy sexy and most wanted qualities by women (in a man).
Take a genuine interest in people and add value to their life.
Make it a habit, do something kind every day. The more you do it, the better you get at it.
Being present and listening to someone is sometimes enough in hard situations.
5. Learn to Surprise People More Often
Relationships take the time to get comfortable and confident. Both good and bad situations somehow contribute in making it stronger.
Giving surprise is one of them. When you do something unexpected, let’s say your friend invited you to a dinner with a bunch of other friends and the next day, you sent him a thank you message or a hand-written note.
What do you think, what’s going to happen?
He will love it. Because nobody else does that. Not many people do these little things and appreciate others’ efforts.
Remember, it doesn’t always have to be something really big or expensive. You’re not doing this “random act of kindness” to prove something.
Even picking up a morning newspaper from the doorstep and handing it over, can enlighten someone’s mood.
These little acts don’t cost you much. But, they do impact your relationship with someone and make it more comfortable.
6. Intelligence & Knowledge Makes You Confident
Nothing is worse than standing within a group and not knowing what they’re talking about.
You at least need to be aware of the stuff going around.
You don’t have to be a classroom topper or something. But, be smart enough to maintain your standards with the people around you. Because a knowledgeable person is always respected and looked up to.
Also, when you learn something from a book, a documentary, or even a movie, you feel fresh. You feel a sense of satisfaction about the knowledge that you just gathered.
Read. Just read.
It is the only best way to gather intelligence. More you read, more you learn. Don’t be lazy when it comes to reading.
Is this one of the best habits you can have in your whole life? You bet.
Literally, there is an immense amount of knowledge more than you can ever think of, right at your hands. You can master whatever you want, you’re just not doing it.
Other sources include reading/watching biographies, documentaries, and many YouTube channels have great content.
Also, my favorite one – interact with more successful and experienced people than you. Learn from their decisions and mistakes because real-life stories are priceless sources of education.
7. Listen To Music & Feel More Powerful
It’s a boring day. Nothing interesting is happening. You’re just sitting and everything is quite like a dead lake. Then you take a turn.
You put on your headphones, blast some music and that bass starts kicking in. Now, your head is dancing, matching the beat and you feel like it is the best damn thing happened during the whole day.
That’s the power of music.
Because listening to music makes people feel powerful, says a study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science.
Music can bring you many levels of emotions and can make you feel:
- Even bring back old memories
It is a great tool to set the scene and influence the atmosphere.
Some specific kinds of music can make you feel more confident and energized instantly. But, what kind of music?
The research found that music with more bass is the key factor in boosting confidence.
You know what else is cool? It has also been found that music enhances:
Music helps us to establish a positive learning state and makes it more fun and interesting.
8. Attend More Gatherings & Visit Different Places to Interact With More People
Practice being confident among people, more often.
Overcome shyness, meet and interact with new people. Gatherings, parties, and meetings are great for that.
The more you interact with different kinds of personalities, the more confident you become.
The key is to interact with new people. You never know, who can turn out to be really helpful and change your life.
If you don’t get many invitations, there are still some places like Meetups, conferences, clubs, annual festivals, trade fairs, or even amusement parks are great.
Oh, and by the way… I always make sure to not make 2 important mistakes. I see many of my male friends do them and they always screw the pooch. Want to know what I’m talking about?
9. Make Eye Contact to Build a Confident Social Connection
How many times do you find someone looking here-and-there and not making a good eye contact?
Men of every age struggle to make and hold a good eye contact. The struggle gets even harder with the attractiveness of a woman.
Making eye contact is a skill. Nobody is a born player in making a high-level eye contact.
It determines the importance of the person you’re talking, also making someone more attractive, confident, respectful, trustworthy and competent.
I talked about tips on making eye contact to draw attention – when speaking to an individual, in a group or to attract someone, in this post (#7).
10. Have Your Clothes Fitted To Your Body
“To feel confident, you have to look confident first.”
A study published in Journal of Experimental Psychology says that wearing good (well-fitted upper-class) clothes with high social status can increase dominance.
Anybody who wears well-fitted clothes, they feel amazing. They usually seem much more confident.
Get your old clothes well-fitted by a tailor, so they don’t look big and baggy. Also, avoid getting those baggy clothes from the next time.
11. Instantly Build Confidence Using “The Icing Technique”
There’s a little technique that can make you more attractive, sexy and confident instantly.
Let’s break down the technique:
Step 1: Wear a well-fitted outfit that you like.
Step 2: Find an accessory that relates to your outfit. Something like:
- Wrist Watch
- Cuff Links
- Pocket Square
- Or anything that adds detail to your outfit
Step 3: Wear that accessory. That’s it!
You look more attractive and confident, instantly. It works like the icing on the cake.
This technique works because when you know you look different and better, and you’re wearing something awesome that nobody else is wearing, you feel great.
Wear unusual/exotic colors like red, pink or purple. Don’t wear too much of it. Like wearing a red tie with a suit is enough to make the difference.
This instantly signifies that you are confident and not afraid of taking risks in the public.
12. Wearing a Cologne or Perfume Brings Instant Confidence
Smelling good has a direct correlation with feeling good because it usually seems pleasurable to you and others.
But, not doing it can leave many people uncomfortable.
Whenever I forget to wear my regular deodorant, usually in a hurry, I feel less confident, the whole day.
A British study said that men who use cologne exhibit an increase in both self-confidence and self-perceived attractiveness.
Find colognes and deodorants that smell good. Ask your friends if you have to. And sprinkle a little whenever you go out.
13. Maintain a Confident Body Posture
Like I said earlier – “to feel confident, you have to look confident first.”
This doesn’t mean, by only wearing well-fitted clothes. If you want to build self-confidence, you have to hold and present your body in a way that you look confident.
People can judge you just by looking at your body language, and it takes a few seconds to know if you are confident or not.
A few (basic) points to always remember:
- Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
- Avoid crossing your arms while in conversation.
- Keep your head up and eyes forward.
- Don’t take baby steps (and avoid creeping).
- Firm handshake (not like a dead fish).
- Avoid pockets.
According to a research done at Princeton University, an open, or an expansive posture makes a man physically attractive. Sit straight, keep your legs open and spread your arms to have an open posture.
Something like this:
Use your hands. People who use hands while in a conversation are seen 2x more confident about what they are talking about, according to a study done on TED talkers.
14. Have a Good Sleep to Feel Confident All Day
Sleep and confidence are directly related to each other.
A study at the University of Basel found that good and sufficient sleep is associated with optimism and self-esteem.
If you didn’t sleep well, you will feel tired and sleepy, which levels down your confidence.
15. Exercise Daily to Be Confident
The person who exercises knows the effect it makes on self-esteem, mood, and confidence.
Interestingly, it has been found in a British study, when you exercise in an attractive and a pleasant outdoor environment, you feel more positive.
Do a cardiovascular exercise for about 30 minutes every day (preferably: morning, empty stomach). Any exercise that increases your heart-rate like running, cycling, skipping-ropes, jumping jacks, etc., will work.
Nothing’s better than having an attractive and fit physique. Having a nice body automatically eliminates the fear of not looking good and being a fat-ass.
Learn a physical skill, something to deal with your defense skills. It is better to be able to beat someone when required.
16. Stop Worrying About The Things That You Cannot Do Anything
- Skin color
- Short/Tall height
- Lost parent or a close person
- Or something that you cannot do anything about.
It can be frustrating sometimes and thinking about it can really eat up your self-confidence.
Learn to thrive on the fact and embrace it. Thinking about it just makes life worse.
Don’t have a loser’s mentality. Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.
Learn to make your situation better. For example, if you are short, you can follow some hacks to look taller.
17. Never Fear Rejection or Failure
Fear of rejection is any fear, which is basically, the “end of the world” feeling:
“What if she rejects me?”
“What if I say something weird and spoil the interview?”
“What if this business idea won’t work?”
Fear is essential to keep us alert and safe. It also makes us feel we are not good enough. This begins us to destroy our beliefs, relationships and spreads obsessive, jealous feeling.
It makes us more anxious and angry. It is important to overcome this feeling of fear of rejection.
Prepare yourself to experience more rejection. Successful people usually get rejected many times until they become successful.
In today’s world, it’s important to understand that rejection and failure is a part of big success. Making more mistakes and getting rejected makes us do more hard work than ever, and to get the things right.
Stop being a people pleaser. You must learn to say ‘no’ to those whose selfish demands are unnecessary and unreasonable to you.
Work on yourself. Get better at what you’re feared. That is the only way. If you feel you will get rejected, then work it and get better.
18. Make Big Goals & Don’t Disclose Them Too Early
According to study at New York University, it has been found that disclosing your goals too early can decrease your chances of achieving them.
Disclosing makes your confidence low, your intention to act and wish to achieve that goal even less.
It’s okay to discuss your goals with close people, but don’t expose every detail to just anybody. Also, when you tell somebody that you’re working on something, their expectations take another place.
Next time when you both meet, they are probably going to ask what’s going on with what you’re working on. Most of the times, you don’t want to talk about it. Because you haven’t achieved it yet.
Prove it first. Then let your success make the noise.
19. Stop Caring About Unimportant Situations/Things
There are some situations or things that we unnecessarily care about. In Mark Manson’s words: “The fucks we don’t give in our life, actually makes all the difference.”
The problem is that we react too much to the unnecessary situations or things in our lives.
- Pressing the wrong button on the remote.
- Slow internet.
- The goddamn ringing phone when we are almost asleep.
- When the mobile phone hangs.
These things slowly eat up our self-confidence and make us more annoyed and irritated.
Reserve your fucks for more fuckworthy situations. Situations that I just talked about, they don’t deserve your attention. It is better to ignore than to take the pain and suffer.
Don’t be reactive, be proactive. Focus on what really matters. Values, results, life-threatening things and so on.
Overcome adversity. Realize what’s important and unimportant in life. Brutally ignore failure, self-embarrassment, difficulties and unpleasant situations.
Say “fuck it” to everything unimportant in life.
20. Punch the Confidence Killer of Jealousy
Jealousy is not a bad thing. It’s natural. But, it becomes a problem when it starts to consume every aspect of your life.
Everybody experiences it. We get jealous of someone’s success, strength, lifestyle or just anything that we don’t have yet.
People get jealous when your Facebook feed is filled with the pictures of your friends’ vacation or those relationship goals.
The fact is that we only see the amazing parts of their life, not the bad part. They make us believe that their life is more interesting than ours, which is actually not true.
They are also struggling in one way or another, the way we do.
Stop giving a fuck about it. It is that unimportant situation which doesn’t deserve your quality attention.
Also, there must be something that made you jealous of that person in the first place. Find that thing, learn, and become better.
21. Have a Closest Person When You Need Confidence the Most
Let’s say you’re going to do something big, that requires you to have a lot of confidence. Something like:
- An interview
- Approaching a woman (for the beginners)
- A stage performance
During those last moments, it is natural to get nervous and have terrifying thoughts coming into the mind like “What if I screw up and everybody laughs at me?”
Things can get worse if the people around you are negative, toxic person, or if there is no one at all.
Having a positive or a close friend is always better than not having someone.
See, there is something amazing about having your best friend around. He or she is more likely a supportive person. Your comfortable relationship makes everything easy and fun.
When you have a close person around, you feel more secure.
Want to build self-confidence? Maybe a hug is all you need.
Hugging releases “feel-good” hormones in your body, which makes you feel good. And all that happens within a minute.
Sometimes, even a five-second hug can leave someone feeling amazing. Longer the hug, better you feel.
Next step: Download this PDF to get the 2 important (bonus) tips. Because I want you to be the best person around.