Like you, I’ve been there, tried many tricks and made mistakes.
But, when you realize the truth about attracting women, you’ll learn that it’s actually simple.
People around you and especially on the internet make it look difficult. Women are also humans, and they want you as much as you do.
So, this is not one of those posts where I talk about tricks or pick-up lines (that surprisingly worked for some guy on a dating forum).
Rather, I’ll take a basic approach and discuss common psychological patterns seen in/between women and men.
Nobody Knows Exactly What Attracts Women
If you thought that you’ll get a simple answer, pardon me. There is no clear-cut definition of female attraction. That’s the truth.
If someone says that they know, they’re lying. There is no research data or study that claim anything solid.
Female attraction is different than male.
Male attraction is pretty straightforward. We are visual. Doesn’t matter from where she belongs/lives, we are attracted because of her attractive looks.
A woman needs to be mentally stimulated. Whether she’ll find you attractive or not, can depend on many unknown factors. Sometimes, they don’t even know what they want.
One thing they want for sure is a man of high status. And they wish to be desired, which a needy guy can’t do.
The Power of Vulnerability & Honesty
Usually, when approaching anybody, your primary objective is to be good to them. Make them feel good about you, so they like you more. Pretty basic.
How can you do it the best way?
See, people are most affected by the way you present yourself. Your intentions speak louder than anything.
People with honest intentions are given more importance. Because then you are more human — more like them.
If your intentions are fake, needy or dishonest, she will sense that. This happens when you use pick-up lines, want something in return, and are needy.
In fact, she is attracted when you connect with her on an emotional level. If the emotions behind your words are needy, then it will turn her off no matter how many supercars you own.
So, what to do instead?
Be vulnerable, which does not mean sharing your sad stories. It’s about being real and doing things that make you a human. Things that might be uncomfortable, takes effort and makes you go out of the line.
That’s what makes you special.
Don’t Make This Dumb Mistake That So Many Men Make
You know, what is the worst thing about the dating industry on the internet? Most of it focuses on approaching women at the clubs and bars. How unfair they are!
Listen, you can approach women at almost any place on the planet. A club is not the only place to approach but is one of the millions of places.
Now, you need to figure out what kind of women would you like to approach, be with and where they hang out.
They often tell you — start with less attractive women, then progress your way to more attractive ones. You date women that you merely find attractive. Don’t make that mistake.
Two things. Approach women you find attractive; and are like-minded.
Think about your interests, things/topics you love to talk about. Then find places where these women, who share common interests, hang out.
If you’re a thirty-year old business man, approach women in business events and conferences. If you’re a twenty-year old college student, a college is full of girls.
Doing so will make your conversations much easier, interesting and fun. This is how you can start.
You can also explore women of different interests, countries and even age groups. It’s fun.
The Simple Two-Step Formula to Approach Women
So, are you ready to read the easiest formula to approach a woman?
Here we go.
Step 1: Stand up (if you aren’t). Walk confidently and let her notice you coming (please don’t freak her out from the back). Stop in front of her.
Step 2: Relax. Wait until you make eye contact. Say “Hello. I’m [name]. What’s your name?” Shake your hands.
But still, many dudes can’t do it. She isn’t going to eat you.
Is that your inner fear? Or is it because you are shy? Or are you scared of getting ashamed?
You know what, you shouldn’t be.
In fact, women get nervous. They are humans. Don’t you think they’ll get nervous/uncomfortable when a stranger stands in front of their face?
Of course. It’s normal. You’re no different.
The 5-Second Rule
For those who get terrified when approaching women, let alone talk to them, try this rule.
This rule has worked for me, most of the times, like a charm. Its simplicity is the reason behind its effectiveness. It can work for you.
Whenever you’re going to approach a woman, the moment you see her, you think she’s hot and you want to talk. Immediately, without thinking anything, start counting to five and then go for it.
Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Move.
You’re forcing your brain to inhibit those negative/fearful thoughts that stop you from approaching her. Instead, you count, move and approach.
The beauty of this rule is its versatility. It works when going for an interview, stage performance, or even as little as helping someone out on the street (some people are afraid of that too).
Build Thick Muscle For Rejection
Before moving further, you need to understand one important thing — you will get rejected. Many times and it’s normal.
Honestly, about one-tenth of them will actually be responsive to you. How?
First, remove those who you are not interested in — too young, too old, not good looking, weed addicted, etc. Then you’re left with a quarter of women out of the total. Only a few of that quarter will find you attractive.
Her beliefs (friction) stop her from responding well to you. Maybe, she has a boyfriend or married, not into certain races, does not like dudes with beards, or anyone of the hundreds of reasons.
It is quite normal to get rejected. And, it must not stop you. Plenty (3 billion+) of fishes in the sea.
What to Talk About?
Now you know her name and she knows yours. Now what?
Easy! Compliment about her looks or beauty — that’s what many online gurus say. See, I’m not saying they are wrong, I mean, you can say something better.
“Wow, that jacket looks great on you.”
“You have a great sense of humor.”
“You’re a great listener.”
I’ve found that, on many occasions, if you talk about someone’s personality or character instead of their physical characteristics, they feel more invested.
It feels genuine and different. Because women are mostly complimented about their beauty and clothes.
Above, the first sentence talks about something she owns and the rest two are about her personality. Talk more about them, less about the things they own.
Impress Her By Making Her Impress You
Do you like to brag about yourself or show off your things and successes? How do you feel?
You feel great, like everybody else.
Because humans have a need to feel important. This hunger makes us do big things, work harder and bring the change to the world.
The next question is:
What can you do to impress her and make the conversation interesting? Two things.
First, by making her impress you. Second, listen more and speak less than necessary. Both go hand-in-hand.
She loves talking about things that she is proud of, things that make her feel good. If you speak less and be a great listener, you make it easier for her to impress you.
By doing so, she’ll think you’re a great conversationalist, but all you’re doing is speaking less.
Otherwise, if you’re the only one talking, she will easily see you’re a show-off or needy. But, if you make her impress you, she’ll forget everyone around and like you more than anyone.
Be a Man, Have Answers
I’ve seen that assumption and statement work better than asking questions.
Questioning seems like you’re interviewing her, whereas talking in statements is far more powerful. It is polite, easy and friendly.
Instead of asking “Which college do you study?”, say “Looks like you go to the XYZ college.”
There are two possibilities. Either you’re right, she’ll get amazed — “How do you know that?” Or else, she’ll correct you.
It excites her, in some way.
But, if you ask a question — “How’s your day going?”, expect a boring (no excitement) answer — “It’s good.”
Now, if you still don’t have anything to talk about, find something common. Like if you’re at a party, talk about the host. “You’re a good friend of [the host].” “Looks like you work in [the city].”
“You’re a good friend of [the host].” “Looks like you work in [the current city].”
Be Genuinely Interested in Her
I’ve seen dudes, talking about themselves and showing off their Rolex watches and what not. It doesn’t do anything. If any girl is impressed by your show off, then she herself is needy, a gold digger they say.
To make her feel desirable, be interested in her. She’s not visual, but emotional.
Make it easier for her to get emotionally comfortable with you.
Some online communities advise you to not at all care about women and treat them like shit. This will make her attracted to you, they say.
Maybe it works. I tried a few times, but it didn’t work well for long.
Women, sooner or later, want you to be emotionally invested.
As Dale Carnegie’s primary focus has been in his classic book How to Win Friends & Influence People, he says that people want to feel important. Better appreciate them, not criticize.
I’m not asking you to treat her like a goddess, but make her feel desirable and special. She’s attracted to many guys but doesn’t sleep with any. Until a guy who makes her trust him.
Connect with her on an Emotional Level
To be a high-status man, sometimes it’s good to share your own stories that she can relate to. Stories that share your vulnerable side to her.
It’s like every other erotic novel (women’s porn). A rugged, masculine man and a woman meet. They like each other and then due to some tragic incident, she finds out about his vulnerable side.
You can do the same, by not necessarily talking about your sobbing family stories. But, something that shows that emotional part of yours. Stories that you can’t share with everybody.
It does not have to be too personal.
Let’s say, you found out that both of you have been to Hawaii. Talk about how you felt being there, not necessarily the stuff you did.
Make it an endless conversation by digging deeper. Talk about feelings, not facts. The deeper you go, the more you seduce her.
Don’t change her mind, change her mood.
A Word About Texting
The whole purpose of texting women is having light conversations or setting up your next meet.
I try my best to keep the conversation funny, interesting and short. Sometimes I wait a few minutes before I reply. I use less emojis, exclamation marks, and send fewer words than her.
It is best to avoid the serious talk. Texting is for fun. Keep about three-fourth of it exciting.
Otherwise, keep your primary focus on where to meet next.
Escape Your Neediness
Neediness is majorly found in Nice Guys.
It is kind of a syndrome, where men are hungry for other’s approval, want to look good at everything and fix other’s problems.
Women may sometimes find these Nice Guys attractive in the beginning. But because of their needy behavior, they become an irritant, non-attractive and toxic person.
Nice Guys believe that if they look good, be good, giving, caring, and do it “right”, as Dr. Robert Glover said in his famous book No More Mr. Nice Guy — they will be loved, get their needs met and live a problem-free life.
They avoid conflicts, keeping the peace, often try to hide their mistakes. To look good, they seek approval and become a woman pleaser.
If they don’t get desired results, they try harder and do more of the same. That’s why they follow the same paradigm and never improve.
Nice Guy is in itself whole another topic. For now, here are a few things that have worked for me. All of them are equally important:
- Put yourself first at all costs. Only you are responsible for your needs, wants and happiness. You rule, not her.
- Be clear and ask for what you want. Learn to make people help and work for you. Say “no” to people and the things that do not benefit you on a personal level.
- Be in a group of men, your gang. This is where you’ll ever learn to be a real man. Make it a habit.
- Stay away from unfortunate/broke people. And obviously, don’t try to fix them. Live with happy/successful/fortunate people.
- Learn to take risks, make mistakes and blaming others. All successful people have taken risks and failed many times. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.
- It’s your life, live with integrity. You are old enough to make your own rules.
Get Your First Impressions On Point
We, humans, judge a lot about a person in those first impressions, which lasts up to a minute.
It’s crazy that when you see a person, you evaluate their social value, status, personality, profession, wealth and the benefit/harm they can provide you.
But, the point is that:
Those judgments stick the longest in your mind. They hardly ever change and may last until a solid observation is made by you. If the only thing your brain does is to confirm that your initial judgments are right (and filters out the rest).
They don’t say — the first impression is the last impression — for no reason.
So, you need to get your first impressions right.
People Do Judge Books By Their Covers
Like I said, women are not very visual. But, good looks can make a significant difference.
You don’t have to be too fancy, look decent.
Start with getting a nice haircut and well-fitted clothes. A great haircut makes a significant improvement, as much as your clothes do.
Notice, about clothes, I said well-fitted — the most important point. Get your old clothes tailored, so they look like they’re exclusively made for you.
What kind of clothes to wear?
I’d say, pick clothes that suit your lifestyle. College students look reasonable in casuals and businessmen in formals.
To improve your body structure (and look better naked), start hitting the gym. Exercise and good food, both have equal contribution in making a nice body.
Also, pay attention towards grooming of overall body. Also, have some facial hair (if possible). Because women find it attractive.
In short, a man with a nice body will have a much better chance of dating a model than a man with a beer belly.
Develop an Interesting Lifestyle
There is no doubt that women like men with interesting lifestyles. They are fascinating, mysterious and powerful.
Interesting men usually have different opinions, experiences, and ideas. Here’s what you can do.
Start with learning more. Some people think that they can have a master’s degree and it’s enough knowledge to have. They’re done with education and are smartest of all.
Then why the greatest men think differently?
Michael Jackson used to read and watch people like Charlie Chaplin, even though he had the best-selling album of all time. He studied them as much as he could, every day.
I’ve read and seen videos of so many successful men and millionaires. They say their biggest mistake would be to stop reading.
If you don’t read often, start. Read self-improvement, psychology, literature, etc., as much as you can.
Try new things. Ask yourself, what different thing do you do that separates you from an average man?
There are always some things that we’ve always wanted to do. Having a great job and making money is good, but the enjoyment of life comes from different experiences, not possessions.
By investing yourself, you become less needy and more attractive.
Be credible. Have your own opinions and artistic taste.
What separates you from others is your own perspective on things. Instead of saying that you like a movie, explain why.
There is always a reason behind a piece of art. Your job is to find it. Even song lyrics can mean different to some people.
Develop and master your skills. That’s what makes you a man of power.
Stop Giving a Fuck
If you’ve been in the dating forums and websites, you must have heard — stop giving a fuck about women.
What I’ve found is that this advice was originally written for men who were terrified of approaching women. For them to grow enough balls, and think she’ll like you if you don’t care about her.
But some got it slightly wrong. They treated women like shit (yeah, sadly I’ve done that). And the results were not so pleasurable.
While doing this, I learned that the phrase will make more sense if written this way — stop giving a fuck about what women think.
You care about her, without caring what she thinks.
Because understanding a woman is next to impossible. You can never assume what she’s up to. Looking at her actions and body language are the only possible ways to judge her intentions for you.
Coffee, Chocolate, Men. The Richer the Better!
Like I discussed in the first part of this series, money is makeup on a man.
A woman looks much better when she puts on some makeup, but it does not mean she’ll look bad without it. Money/makeup is not everything, but it is better to have.
Anyways, more money means you’ll be able to afford more things, travel opportunities, skills, and knowledge. You’ll be more independent and better be interdependent!
I’ve seen that less money often makes a man needy, in some way.
However women, who’ve never felt any lack of money while growing up, not necessarily look for a wealthy man. They want a non-needy man, who can fulfill her desires. A strong man who can connect with her on an emotional level.
And that level of non-neediness is usually found in men with sufficient money.
When you approach a woman, she wishes so hard that you don’t make those mistakes that other men do. She wholeheartedly wants you to succeed and win her trust. Make it happen.
Approaching and attracting women is not that hard. In short, it’s about being and acting well with women; and becoming a better person.
There are far more things that attract and seduce women, which I think will be too much for a single post. So, sit back and relax.
Start by approaching women for non-important reasons, many times in a day. And try out the things I’ve talked about so far. They’ve worked for me, and I believe they’ll work for you.
You can always re-read this post if you have to.
This is the second part of the guide series: Master Relationships with Women. Stay tuned for the next part, or check out the first part if you haven’t yet.
Also, I made a checklist long time ago that I used to overcome this nice guy syndrome. I'm giving it away for free: